Does the following situation sound familiar to you?

A girl you’re dating tells you her problems and you try to help her sort it out, only to realize that she doesn’t appreciate that. Or she even gets mad at you, if you offer your advice.

Women are perfectly capable of solving their own problems, they just want you to listen.

One reason for this common behavior in men is that we love to start figuring out a solution to a problem immediately. That’s because we tend to be more rational. Guys who are not centered might also see it as a chance to win her heart, by hoping that she will like him more, after helping her.

But she just wants you to listen. Someone who listens carefully is hard to find. Therefore it’s already enough to set yourself apart from the competition. Don’t only listen, make sure to remember what she said as well. This combination is not only a matter of respect, it makes you very attractive. She also sees your interest in her, not only her beautiful face and sexy body.

If you always offer your help you also risk appearing needy. You don’t have to prove your value to her. Let her prove her worth to you, if she wants to. Give her the chance to fall or keep being in love with you naturally. Change your mindset – change your love life. Women like to talk about their challenges, simply to organize their thoughts and ground themselves.

Of course, a lot of people value your inspiration. But let them ask for it. Not only in dating situations. If she actually asks for your advice, without you offering, it’s a great compliment. It means, she values your opinion.

So again, just listen and remember at least the essence of the conversation. Ideally more. Also, if unsure, ask if she wants your help or if she just wants you to listen. In my experience that’s great advice for dating, as well as for life in general. It’s also an approach in Life Coaching and Nonviolent Communication, NVC. If she tells you something, ask for details, ask her to explain what she means.

Write things down after the date, if you want. In the metro on the way home. Or at the red traffic light in the car. If you have a note that you can check before the next date, to remind you of some important things, why not. But make sure not to repeat her personal details religiously next time you meet. If you catch yourself next time, trying to solve her challenges for her. Remember, it’s natural. It’s how the male mind works. In addition, you might have a job where you have to act especially rational every day. You might be project manager. Or work in emergency situations. Being used to solving problems.

So if you want my help for your personal challenges, just go on my website, mathiasrabe.com, and book a 1 on 1 coaching session with me.

Thank you for your trust, lots of success, bye for now.